If you could read my mind, first of all you'd be very scared.
Second of all, yesterday you would have been listening to the following conversation I was having with myself on the plane to Orlando.
"Is my butt really that big or did the seats on the exit rows of all airplanes shrink all of a sudden? Seriously, this isn't going to be a comfortable flight at ALL. Maybe I should offer to switch seats with someone not in an exit row and see if I fit better . . . ok that's just stupid all the stupid seats are the same stupid size. My butt just IS that bi . . .ow my leg hurts, I wish I would have gotten some pizza before I boarded because I really hate paying five dollars for two pieces of cheese and a grape but I guess it doesn't matter because this IS a business trip hehehe. . . seriously what is with my itchy leg? SKIN FLAKES? I should have put on lotion this morning after I shaved, that was sure dumb of m . . .ok now the other leg is itchin again and it really feels like my pants are velcroed to my le. . . OH MY GOSH I ONLY SHAVED ONE OF MY LEGS THIS MORNING."
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
It is always with the best intentions the worst work is done - Oscar Wilde
I should live by that quote.
So, I've been trying my darndest to keep my house cleaner. It's not really a New Year's Resolution . . .more like a "I'm desperately hoping to sell my house soon and it's probably going to be listed for like eight months so I'd better get into the habit of keeping it squeaky clean now so I don't run around like a crazy person trying to make it look spic and span when someone wants to come over and look at it."
Holy run-on sentence Batman!
ANYWAY, I'm trying. Harder than I've ever tried. Those of you who know me well know that I'm just not the cleanest person. I'm not grossly dirty by any means, I'm just cluttered and, well, lazy. So I like to find shortcuts so that I can spend the least amount of time with optimal results. Thus my use of the drop-in toilet cleaner tablets. I want to write an ode to them. They are FABULOUS. Always have been. I found a similar but different product that I love even more, the Kaboom! Toilet Cleaner thing (that's totally it's official name -- NOT.) You hook the sucker up to the water tubes so that every bit of water that flows into the toilet has gone through the cleaning solution. BRILLIANT I tell you! BRILLIANT!
But I digress. This is about the tablets. See, we have one toilet downstairs that the previous owners of the house (what's the mean opposite of an 'ode?' I want to write one to them because they SUCK. Seriously. We hate them.) decided not to fix when it broke. Turns out they duct taped it's internal organs together in order to facilitate not having to spend $79 on a new toilet. So this is why the toiled got a tablet, rather than a Kaboom! cleaner. I couldn't get the duct tape off to "re-wire" the tubes through the Kaboom! cleaner. Anyway, so in goes the blue tablet. I walked away proud that, at least for the next month, the inside of the toilet would remain mostly clean and I could get away with wiping off the outside and not having to super scrub the bowl.
Cut to last night, 24 hours after said "tablet" was added to the toilet.
I was in the bathroom, doing my business, and I looked down towards the floor, like you do, right? I see a fine blue mist all over the white baseboards. I investigate further. HUGE BLUE PUDDLE OF WATER BEHIND THE TOILET. Floorboards? Warped. New baseboards? Permanently blue with the "fine spray" that had somehow ejected itself from the toilet. IT WAS EVERYWHERE.
I called Matt in and we were both just staring at the toilet, baffled. There wasn't a crack . . . there wasn't a hole . . . WHERE WAS IT COMING FROM?!?!?
It took Matt about 25 minutes to find the culprit. GULP. Me. Well, sort of. Me and my shortcut stupid BLUE TABLET. It had eaten away at the already corroded (unknown to us) washer at the bottom of the tank, and VOILA! Fine spray and dripping blue water and a ruined floor to boot.
Blue tablet or not, my laziness or not, I blame the previous owners. I want to go burn a note into their front lawn. "FIX THE TOILET WHEN IT'S BROKEN. When it starts to go, duct tape is NOT THE ANSWER PEOPLE"
I also want to watch their house closely. If they ever try to sell, I'm going to ward off potential buyers with a stick. Or a broken toilet thrown at them.
So, I've been trying my darndest to keep my house cleaner. It's not really a New Year's Resolution . . .more like a "I'm desperately hoping to sell my house soon and it's probably going to be listed for like eight months so I'd better get into the habit of keeping it squeaky clean now so I don't run around like a crazy person trying to make it look spic and span when someone wants to come over and look at it."
Holy run-on sentence Batman!
ANYWAY, I'm trying. Harder than I've ever tried. Those of you who know me well know that I'm just not the cleanest person. I'm not grossly dirty by any means, I'm just cluttered and, well, lazy. So I like to find shortcuts so that I can spend the least amount of time with optimal results. Thus my use of the drop-in toilet cleaner tablets. I want to write an ode to them. They are FABULOUS. Always have been. I found a similar but different product that I love even more, the Kaboom! Toilet Cleaner thing (that's totally it's official name -- NOT.) You hook the sucker up to the water tubes so that every bit of water that flows into the toilet has gone through the cleaning solution. BRILLIANT I tell you! BRILLIANT!
But I digress. This is about the tablets. See, we have one toilet downstairs that the previous owners of the house (what's the mean opposite of an 'ode?' I want to write one to them because they SUCK. Seriously. We hate them.) decided not to fix when it broke. Turns out they duct taped it's internal organs together in order to facilitate not having to spend $79 on a new toilet. So this is why the toiled got a tablet, rather than a Kaboom! cleaner. I couldn't get the duct tape off to "re-wire" the tubes through the Kaboom! cleaner. Anyway, so in goes the blue tablet. I walked away proud that, at least for the next month, the inside of the toilet would remain mostly clean and I could get away with wiping off the outside and not having to super scrub the bowl.
Cut to last night, 24 hours after said "tablet" was added to the toilet.
I was in the bathroom, doing my business, and I looked down towards the floor, like you do, right? I see a fine blue mist all over the white baseboards. I investigate further. HUGE BLUE PUDDLE OF WATER BEHIND THE TOILET. Floorboards? Warped. New baseboards? Permanently blue with the "fine spray" that had somehow ejected itself from the toilet. IT WAS EVERYWHERE.
I called Matt in and we were both just staring at the toilet, baffled. There wasn't a crack . . . there wasn't a hole . . . WHERE WAS IT COMING FROM?!?!?
It took Matt about 25 minutes to find the culprit. GULP. Me. Well, sort of. Me and my shortcut stupid BLUE TABLET. It had eaten away at the already corroded (unknown to us) washer at the bottom of the tank, and VOILA! Fine spray and dripping blue water and a ruined floor to boot.
Blue tablet or not, my laziness or not, I blame the previous owners. I want to go burn a note into their front lawn. "FIX THE TOILET WHEN IT'S BROKEN. When it starts to go, duct tape is NOT THE ANSWER PEOPLE"
I also want to watch their house closely. If they ever try to sell, I'm going to ward off potential buyers with a stick. Or a broken toilet thrown at them.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Day Hell Froze Over
On Sunday it SNOWED in Phoenix. DID YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE?!?! S-N-O-W-E-D. Real, freezing cold snow. IN PHOENIX.
Monday morning I went out to my car and there was LOTS OF ICE ON IT. I had to dig through my trunk, cursing and screaming, looking for the lone ice scraper I thought might still be in there from the days of cold in Utah.
Now, I realize, most of you reading this blog actually LIVE in Utah where I hear it's been RIDICULOUSLY cold, so I really have nothing to complain about. However . . .
SNOW? In PHOENIX?? ARE YOU #$%&ing ME?? And they say global warming isn't affecting the world. HAHAHA. But to be honest, what I am going to do about it? Probably nothing.
Shame on me.
Monday morning I went out to my car and there was LOTS OF ICE ON IT. I had to dig through my trunk, cursing and screaming, looking for the lone ice scraper I thought might still be in there from the days of cold in Utah.
Now, I realize, most of you reading this blog actually LIVE in Utah where I hear it's been RIDICULOUSLY cold, so I really have nothing to complain about. However . . .
SNOW? In PHOENIX?? ARE YOU #$%&ing ME?? And they say global warming isn't affecting the world. HAHAHA. But to be honest, what I am going to do about it? Probably nothing.
Shame on me.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Have you ever had that dream . . . the one where you're naked on stage?
Yeah well . . .
My top came unbottoned on opening night. In the middle of the show, middle of a song. I looked down and there they were. My voluptuous bosoms. For the world to see. Well, for the audience made up of mostly senor citizens to see . . . I sure gave them a show!
Hope the old guys enjoyed it. I've added a camisole to my costume. I may have given them cause to come back for another round, but they won't get their money's worth THIS time!
**Disclaimer: I did have a bra on, however, my assigned costume did not facilitate the wearing of my 'jesus jammies' so I did not bare my religion to the crowd!**
My top came unbottoned on opening night. In the middle of the show, middle of a song. I looked down and there they were. My voluptuous bosoms. For the world to see. Well, for the audience made up of mostly senor citizens to see . . . I sure gave them a show!
Hope the old guys enjoyed it. I've added a camisole to my costume. I may have given them cause to come back for another round, but they won't get their money's worth THIS time!
**Disclaimer: I did have a bra on, however, my assigned costume did not facilitate the wearing of my 'jesus jammies' so I did not bare my religion to the crowd!**
Friday, January 19, 2007
Another Openin', Another Show
I can't decide if I'm nervous or not. I think not. But I'm not sure.
My show opens tonight . . . well, not OPENS . . . my cast for the show "Suds" has it's first performance tonight. We've been rehearsing like crazy this week. I'm exhausted, my eyes have that constant burning feel . . . I've been eating like crap and I haven't exercised since BEFORE Mexico.
I forgot what this was like. The non-stop rehearsing, dreaming in song (usually the song you hate most in the show), trying to get that &*$# wig to stay on, random bloopers that could happen going through your head . . . the possibility that if you skip something, you might miss a whole musical number . . . it goes on and on. I haven't actually been in a real play since high school . . . in college I did lots of little things and probably worked on the equivalent of four or five giant musical productions, but I haven't actually been in a REAL SHOW for a very, very long time. I have a degree in this, I should be the consummate professional, yet I feel like the intern going to the big scary law firm for the first time.
My friends and family have been SO supportive. I got the sweetest note from Jewels this morning about how great I would do and how, even though she couldn't be here for the opening night, she'd be in the background cheering me on. She's so great. My mom called and I got an email from my in laws. Rhonda, her roommate Marcy and of course my husband will all be there.
The show is funny, really funny. It's cheesy, but it's funny. I can't wait to perform for a real audience FINALLY. It won't just be Roger, the director who I think doesn't like me much . . . but that's OK I don't really like him either SO. THERE.
So anyway, there really isn't a point to this. I'm just saying I'm somewhere between nervous and excited. Nerxited? Exvous? Hmm, I'll have to think about that one some more. Maybe I'll come up with something while I'm driving around aimlessly trying to find a place to take a quick nap. Sadly, I've also thought about doing some yoga to stretch out my stressed, knotted back. Maybe the chiropractor? Who knows. I am obviously uptight and stupid. What more could I ask for?
Well, off I go to break a leg. Wait . . . I don't think I wish MYSELF luck by telling myself to break a leg . . . is that going to reverse the superstitious effect and actually cause a broken limb??? Thinking too hard. Must. Stop. Now.
My show opens tonight . . . well, not OPENS . . . my cast for the show "Suds" has it's first performance tonight. We've been rehearsing like crazy this week. I'm exhausted, my eyes have that constant burning feel . . . I've been eating like crap and I haven't exercised since BEFORE Mexico.
I forgot what this was like. The non-stop rehearsing, dreaming in song (usually the song you hate most in the show), trying to get that &*$# wig to stay on, random bloopers that could happen going through your head . . . the possibility that if you skip something, you might miss a whole musical number . . . it goes on and on. I haven't actually been in a real play since high school . . . in college I did lots of little things and probably worked on the equivalent of four or five giant musical productions, but I haven't actually been in a REAL SHOW for a very, very long time. I have a degree in this, I should be the consummate professional, yet I feel like the intern going to the big scary law firm for the first time.
My friends and family have been SO supportive. I got the sweetest note from Jewels this morning about how great I would do and how, even though she couldn't be here for the opening night, she'd be in the background cheering me on. She's so great. My mom called and I got an email from my in laws. Rhonda, her roommate Marcy and of course my husband will all be there.
The show is funny, really funny. It's cheesy, but it's funny. I can't wait to perform for a real audience FINALLY. It won't just be Roger, the director who I think doesn't like me much . . . but that's OK I don't really like him either SO. THERE.
So anyway, there really isn't a point to this. I'm just saying I'm somewhere between nervous and excited. Nerxited? Exvous? Hmm, I'll have to think about that one some more. Maybe I'll come up with something while I'm driving around aimlessly trying to find a place to take a quick nap. Sadly, I've also thought about doing some yoga to stretch out my stressed, knotted back. Maybe the chiropractor? Who knows. I am obviously uptight and stupid. What more could I ask for?
Well, off I go to break a leg. Wait . . . I don't think I wish MYSELF luck by telling myself to break a leg . . . is that going to reverse the superstitious effect and actually cause a broken limb??? Thinking too hard. Must. Stop. Now.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
My Mastercard Ad
Week in Puerto Vallarta: $0 (thanks to my awesome parents)
Direct flight home instead of going through Dallas: $0 (thanks to the ice storm in Dallas)
Parking at the airport: $0 (thanks to Rhonda who let us park at her place.)
Coming home to find out the boss you don't get along with has been 'let go': Priceless
There are some things money isn't needed to buy. For everything else, there's Vcommerce.
Direct flight home instead of going through Dallas: $0 (thanks to the ice storm in Dallas)
Parking at the airport: $0 (thanks to Rhonda who let us park at her place.)
Coming home to find out the boss you don't get along with has been 'let go': Priceless
There are some things money isn't needed to buy. For everything else, there's Vcommerce.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Are you jealous now?
Here are some pictures of our palace in Mexico!
Yeah that behind me? The window over our sink.
The view from our BED.
Looking down from our balcony over the pool and the ocean
Our house from the beach. Our room is on the very top floor.
That's all for now folks! I have to go memorize the script for my play . . . since I open in a week and a half! Eeeek!
Monday, January 08, 2007
No Comment
IF I happened to be an Ohio State fan, and IF I happened to know anyone who was a Gators fan, I would implore them to not ask me about the debacle that was the National Championship.
I get it, I get it. We sucked. Ok we didn't just suck. We sucked butt. Big time. I don't want to talk about it. EVER. AGAIN. I'm currently trying to convince my brothers not to commit suicide. I've got my hands full here in le Mexico. Seriously, don't ask, don't tell. The clock is ticking down to our miserable defeat. I'm going to go order up a virgin margarita and drown my sorrows. At least I'm in paradise to try to get over it, right?
Oh. IF I happen to come home to my house and find Gator memoribilia anywhere, a certain someone will never be allowed back. So make sure to clean it all up and leave my buckeye hat where I left it. I love my team. I just don't have to like them very much right now.
I get it, I get it. We sucked. Ok we didn't just suck. We sucked butt. Big time. I don't want to talk about it. EVER. AGAIN. I'm currently trying to convince my brothers not to commit suicide. I've got my hands full here in le Mexico. Seriously, don't ask, don't tell. The clock is ticking down to our miserable defeat. I'm going to go order up a virgin margarita and drown my sorrows. At least I'm in paradise to try to get over it, right?
Oh. IF I happen to come home to my house and find Gator memoribilia anywhere, a certain someone will never be allowed back. So make sure to clean it all up and leave my buckeye hat where I left it. I love my team. I just don't have to like them very much right now.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Viva La Mexico!
Well, I was sort of hoping for zero internet access while I'm here in Puerto Vallarta. That hope didn't come true, but shhhhhh don't tell work, they still don't know!!
We are here and it's better than I could have imagined. Our villa is built into a cliff overlooking the water. There is an ELEVATOR and every room is on a different floor of the villa. The infinity edge pool is heated to perfection and appears to end into the ocean. Above the sink in our bathroom is just glass and has an amazing view of the sea. We have a maid, a chef, a house manager and . . . the guy who gets us whatever we want. We also have a chihuaha. Right. Life could not be better.
I think the staff is in awe of the alchohol intake of my brothers. They provided a "fifth" of Jack Daniels and the boys just laughed and pulled out not one, but TWO gallon bottles. We have pina coladas, strawberry dacquiries and margaritas at our whim (virgin for Matt and I, promise) and last night I asked for a Diet Coke . . . which they did not have. Today we got back from visiting town and there was a fridge full of Diet Coke. I'm going to request a million dollars tonight . . . just to see what happens.
Our only "complaint" is that the waves are so friggin' huge it's a life risk to try to go in the ocean. I swear they are an average of six feet tall.
Ironically we went into town today to find a taco shop . . . and they were all closed. What are the odds of that? Seriously. No tacos in Mexico??? Oh well. We just came back to the house and had food leftover from dinner last night. Mmmmm smothered chicken . . . mmmmm homemade refried beans . . . mmmmm lemon merangue pie.
Ok I'm outa here now. I'm getting mocked for being a "blogger." I'm going to go kick my brothers ass for that. Oh wait, I can't. He's like 6'4" and 275 pounds. I'm just going to go poke him in the eye. Kisses to all!! I'll post pictures soon, but for now, here's the link to our casa
We are here and it's better than I could have imagined. Our villa is built into a cliff overlooking the water. There is an ELEVATOR and every room is on a different floor of the villa. The infinity edge pool is heated to perfection and appears to end into the ocean. Above the sink in our bathroom is just glass and has an amazing view of the sea. We have a maid, a chef, a house manager and . . . the guy who gets us whatever we want. We also have a chihuaha. Right. Life could not be better.
I think the staff is in awe of the alchohol intake of my brothers. They provided a "fifth" of Jack Daniels and the boys just laughed and pulled out not one, but TWO gallon bottles. We have pina coladas, strawberry dacquiries and margaritas at our whim (virgin for Matt and I, promise) and last night I asked for a Diet Coke . . . which they did not have. Today we got back from visiting town and there was a fridge full of Diet Coke. I'm going to request a million dollars tonight . . . just to see what happens.
Our only "complaint" is that the waves are so friggin' huge it's a life risk to try to go in the ocean. I swear they are an average of six feet tall.
Ironically we went into town today to find a taco shop . . . and they were all closed. What are the odds of that? Seriously. No tacos in Mexico??? Oh well. We just came back to the house and had food leftover from dinner last night. Mmmmm smothered chicken . . . mmmmm homemade refried beans . . . mmmmm lemon merangue pie.
Ok I'm outa here now. I'm getting mocked for being a "blogger." I'm going to go kick my brothers ass for that. Oh wait, I can't. He's like 6'4" and 275 pounds. I'm just going to go poke him in the eye. Kisses to all!! I'll post pictures soon, but for now, here's the link to our casa
Monday, January 01, 2007
Attention WalMart shoppers . . . We have an awesome trip to Utah on aisle 7
It's my last night here in the home land and I am so content and so happy right now. It has been a freaking crazy three days, and my eyes feel as though they were rubbed down with sandpaper then glued open, but I had a wonderful time and, with the teeny tiny exception (ok not so teeny tiny) of not having my husband be a part of it, this was almost the perfect birthday weekend.
I don't even know where to start with the stories and the fun times . . .
Los
and Puffers and Clayton
and people forgetting their food. Twelve year olds and gum wrapper roses and my birthday being announced over the loud speaker at WalMart at 1:00 AM.These things and so many more are forever engraved in my mind. I am too tired to attempt wit and humor, especially after hanging out with all the witty people I know here in Utah all weekend. I just wanted to post a huge thank you to everyone who made my birthday and the New Year's weekend so amazing. You are all amazing and I am so lucky to have you in my life.
OLE!
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