Mission: Only For the Severely Stupid

We played construction this weekend . . . it was . . . um. . . er . . . fun???

I'm not posting any pictures yet because I want to be completely done with the projects so I can give you a complete beginning to ending idea of the torture I put myself through for the past month or so, but I promise that I will!

The one interesting/stupid thing I did is worth posting about though. A true Kateastrophe . . .

I got a screw stuck in the garbage disposal.

Not rolling around in there.

Completely. Stuck. Wedged. Not. Coming. Out. EVER.

As if we didn't have enough broken crap in this house. Now we'll probably need a completely new garbage disposal. Cross your fingers and say a little prayer that the home warranty we bought covers . . . well, Kateastrophes.

How, Kate, did you get a screw STUCK in said garbage disposal?

WELL, I'll tell you.

I took the final five cabinets off of their hinges today. These were the cabinets I was saving for last because they are the NASTIEST. The hinges are covered in twenty years worth of dropped food and whatever the hell else might have snuck it's way in there. I haven't cleaned them yet because every time I thought about it I almost threw up. But, in order to finish the cabinets I obviously had to remove the hinges. So the were all immediately dunked into a concoction of vinegar and water (don't ask my why those two ingredients . . . I just thought it might clean the sludge off.) and set aside to soak for . . . well, until I thought they were good and ready.

Five hours later I'm pouring out the vinegar mixture to get at the hinges with a toothbrush. Cut to stupid Kate forgetting she was also soaking the SCREWS. Slow motion, cut to THREE screws falling into the disposal. Cut to Kate's braing counting the clinks as the screws hit the bottom. One clink . . . two clink. "Well (insert vulgar, naughty word here)" says I and then immediately cut to Kate sticking her hand in the disposal to fish out the two screws she heard drop. (NO it was not RUNNING. Give me at least a little credit.)

So anyway, enough with this third/first person mess I created in that paragraph up there. On with the story . . .

Needless to say I got two screws out. I did feel around to see if by any chance there was a third one. (picture me sticking my hand into the very old, probably very nasty (but I don't want to think of the nastiness at that particular moment) garbage disposal to see if there's one more screw. Nope don't feel anything.) So what do I do next? Oh don't you worry. I TURN THE DAMN THING ON TO MAKE SURE. Do I find a flashlight to check and see? Nope. Do I ask Matt to help me and check it out and give me a second opinion? Nope. I TURN IT ON.

Imagine the sound of crushing metal.

And. Then. The. Screw. Was. Completely. Jammed.

Matt got a flashlight and explained it to me like this: "Well, you somehow managed to get the teeth that go around in there to get stuck on the long thin screw part and the head is visible. I've used pliers, a screw driver and a hammer, tried to move the teeth manually . . . it's not going anywhere. We need to call a plumber."

Well at least we needed to call one anyway to get our master bathroom shower refitted for the new faucet we bought this weekend.

Before I screw up again, can I ask for volunteers to help me with the following tasks?

Put up new ceiling fan in family room

Put up new ceiling fan in kitchen

Put up new ceiling fan in master bedroom.

Install new kitchen faucet (and just throw in a garbage disposal while you're at it, k?)

Install new shower pan and walls, along with new drain, faucet . . . ah hell, any volunteers to remodel our entire master bathroom from floor to ceiling?

Oh new houuuuseee! Are you done yet? Your new owners are badly in need of you!

Oh wait. I remember now. You're at least a month behind and the utilities aren't even in.

How long do you think I can go without accidentally turning on the jammed garbage disposal?

I'm taking bets. All proceeds go to our remodeling fund. I'm also taking donations.

Thank you for your consideration.