Only in Scottsdale

Man, I wish I had pictures of my lunch drive today.

I went to pick up a birthday cake for a co-worker and lunch for myself. I drove less that 1/4 of a mile to do these things. In that time I saw the following strange "only in Scottsdale" things:

1. An 80+ year old man riding a scooter - and not one of those old people help you get around scooters. Like, a Vespa scooter -- complete with a little "carrier" on the back for his . . . purse?. He was all hunched over the handle bars and driving about 5 miles an hour in front of me. I would have been mad but it was HILARIOUS.

2. A little girl dressed in some couture outfit for three year olds, complete with what looked like designer sunglasses, eating the "sand" out of a cigarette disposal receptacle


3. Another 80+ year old man on a two wheeled apparatus, but this time it was a giant Harley Davidson

4. A porn star looking character with a barking toy dog sticking out of her Chanel bag, buying A banana at AJ's. Just one . . . and nothing else. Mind you AJ's is the luxury grocery store around here that charges you triple for everything, so she was buying A banana for the price I usually buy a whole BUNCH of bananas for. And let me tell you, if I had dropped the wad of cash it would have cost to buy a Chanel bag, you bet your britches no darn DOG will be getting a ride in it! It would, most likely, be in a glass box in my closet with motion detectors attached to it to keep things completely away from it.

5. A Scottsdale cop ordering a vegetarian rice bowl with brown rice. I thought cops only ate doughnuts and unhealthy MAN food!

Now I know why we can never live in Scottsdale. I mean, with super inflated house prices I knew that already, but now I REALLY know! At least not until I have my body completely altered with plastic surgery and we win the lottery. Then maybe we'll fit in.