How to Drive Yourself to Drink (otherwise known as 'How to Re-finish Cabinets')

Step 1: Start with a kitchen that looks something like THIS

Step 2: Watch 'Design to Sell' about ten too many times and thinks "dude, I can TOTALLY do that AND make more money on my house!

Preparation Days 1-14

Step 3: Go to Sherwin Williams and ask the scary question "Do you think it's too hard if I try to paint my cabinets myself?" The answer is always "no! it's easy!"

Step 4: Buy all supplies you think you need

Day 1

Step 6: Get all hopped up on sugar and decide to tackle the SOB

Step 7: Take cupboards off one by one

Step 8: Throw up when you see how much CRAP has been stuck in the hinges

Step 9: Attempt to wash cupboards one by one

Step 10: Throw up when you see how much CRAP has been stuck in the crevices

Step 11: Use toothpick to remove built up crap

Step 12: Stab self in hand with toothpick

Step 13: Swear a lot

Repeat Step 11

Lather, rinse and repeat, particularly Step 13

Step 14: Decide cupboards are clean enough (or decide you're going to paint over the damn dirt no matter what anyone says)

Step 15: Move everything in living room to accommodate as many cupboards as possible at one time and lay them all down.

Step 16: Realize there's no place for you to actually sit while painting

Step 17: Remove about ten of the cupboards to make room for your huge butt

Step 18: Find primer in pile of paint and supplies

Step 19: Apply primer to one side of cupboards

Step 20: Wait . . . wait . . . wait . . .

Step 21: Get distracted and forget you were doing a project

DAY 2

Repeat Steps 19-21

DAY 3

Step 22: Apply first coat of real paint to one side of cupboards

Step 23: realize there are paint drips everywhere but decide you don't really care, you're going to antique the edges anyway. We're going for the "old cottage" look here.

Repeat steps 20-21

Day 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Repeat Day 3 until all cupboards are complete

Day 12

Step 24: Sand edges of all cupboards for that "antique look"

Step 25: Spray Polyurethane coating on one side of cupboards for that shiny finish

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Day 13

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Step 26: Attempt to clean grime off of hardware

Step 27: Take a short and annoying detour on cabinet project due to THIS

Day 14

Step 28: Slowly start re-attaching cabinets, realizing that it's not as easy as it looks and you're not quiiiiiite sure which ones go where or how to make the Step 13 things straight

Step 29: Start attaching new knob pulls and realize that, naturally, it's not as easy as it looks either. Oh no, it involves the use of several different drill bits (plan on breaking at least one or two if you're anything like me) and many more of Step 13 and many Macguyver maneuvers to ensure that everything is attached, straight and looking decent.

From Day 15 until you move out of the house

Step 30: Stand back, take a deep breath and realize that it was, in fact, worth it, because now your kitchen looks like this:

I still think I might need a drink though . . . PHEW!