Little More Junk in My Trunk

I have a post-it pad that has the following quote on it:

"I thought I worked my butt off, but it followed me home"

I have this as the quote on my MSN Messenger as well.

This morning I got an IM from an old co-worker about it. The conversation went a little bit like this:

OC: "Bummer about your butt"
Me: "Yeah I know, I used to be so hot."
OC: "I know, crying shame."
Me: "Now I'm all married and stuff, with a big butt."
Me: "Wait, I take it back. I'm still hot . . . I just have a little more junk in my trunk. Kinda like J-Lo, but whiter. Much whiter"
OC: "Oh, like that. Yeah, you're still hot then"

Mind you this guy is happily married, with a baby on the way. We were just buds like that. We always told each other how good the other looked on a particular day. He's like my gay friends . . . only . . .not . . . gay. Right.

So in case any of you were wondering (who haven't seen me in a while) I am still hot . . . but instead of being hot like, say . . . Ginger Spice (was she even hot? I donno) . . . now I'm hot like a white J-lo.

Sweeeeeeeet.

Christmas Presents . . . For Me!

Have you ever notice that when you've been given money or an allowance to go shopping, you can NEVER find anything you want? But, in contrast, when you have SERIOUS shopping to do for anyone else, all you find ALL kinds of stuff for you and NOTHING for anyone else?

Welcome to my day.

My bestest friend Sheila and I decided to go to the mall to do some shopping. Now I did have to find something for myself at Bebe, since I was recently given a $150 gift certificate to that fabulous store, and I have a company Holiday party coming up (not Christmas Party, HOLIDAY party. We are veeeeery particular at Vcommerce.) But I was really hoping to start the Christmas shopping I haven't begun yet. I have found a really cool gift for some of the creative ladies on my list, but that's pretty much it.

I bought myself one of these as well as this lovely number

oh and pretty much everything at Forever 21

What did I get for everyone else you ask? Uhhhhh . . . the joy of seeing me looking HOT? Excellent.

Kate: 1
Everyone Else: 0

Let the Gluttony Begin!

With my newly found life of fitness, I can only look on the coming days of feasting with a slight twinge of regret. So, without further adieu (hahah, I am so funny. Without further goodbye . . . hahahahaha.), I begin my Thanksgiving mea culpa (no, don't go look it up, it means "admission of guilt." And don't think I'm that smart. I used the thesaurus to look up another word for "apology" since I wanted to sound clever and funny. All of which I probably did until I admitted all of this. OK. stopping. now.)

Ahem

Ryan, leader of my Booty Camp, I apologize in advance for the blatant slap in the face to your diet and nutrition goals for me. (I'll refer to Thanksgiving as my Boot Camp Sin of Commission because that's SO what it is) .

Body, I apologize to you in advance as well. Prepare for the stomach to be stretched to capacity, for the ingestion of a 12,000 calorie meal (ok fine you caught me, I'm exaggerating again. The average Thanksgiving meal is only 3000 calories and 229 grams of fat, but STILL!) and the gluttonous regret afterward as I lay on the couch, unable to move for fear of what will happen to me if I do. I also apologize for round two, in which I will put you through all of that torture again. And maybe for round three, depending on how hungry everyone else is and how much food is left over.

New pants, I apologize to you to, as I'm sure you will no longer fit after Shirley's cooking helps add at least five pounds back on to my newly shrunken bottom. We had a good two week run, didn't we? I promise to find you again someday. Hopefully you're not horribly out of style by then.

New bathing suit for Mexico, I feel especially bad for you, as you may never see the glistening waters of the Pacific Ocean or the gloriousness of the infinity edge pool at our rented villa, since I may just be wearing a wetsuit to try and suck in the holiday LBs.

Fat pants, you're the only ones I feel I can say that I don't have to apologize to, as you will be once again welcomed back into the rotation to clothe your voracious owner. I can't say I'm happy about it, but I bet you are.

Mashed potatoes made from cream cheese, real butter and cream . . . come to Mommy. I've been waiting for you all year.

The RFP of Death

What's six inches thick, has seven billion questions, is ridiculously unorganized, is basically red tape and nearly impossible?

The RFP I've been working on for the last few weeks. (Request for Proposal is what that stands for . . . I had no idea until a few months ago when I was assigned my first one) This is apparently part of my new job, which is actually cool because I'm learning a lot of the nitty-gritty technical details of what our company actually does . . . and we are actually pretty cool! It's amazing some of the stuff these techies can do!!

This has been consuming almost every moment of my work life and every moment of my life after work. I haven't had to work overtime in a long time, so I don't actually mind.

I did find time to do something fun today though . . . I got a microderm abraison facial. It hurt quite a bit but it's SO NICE to get all the built up dead skin off my face. A fabulous new girl moved into my ward . . . Her name is JoAnn. She and her husband James own a ton of laser skin centers all over the valley and they do facials, botox, lip injections, laser hair removal and all kinds of stuff. JoAnn is six months pregnant with a little girl (Alley Grace, what a cute name right?), and she has decided to set up a studio in her house and hardly charges anything for the stuff she does.

On top of all the cool benefits, they are the COOLEST couple. He has four wheelers and some really fun cars and boy toys as well as lots of things in common with Matt, and she and I have a ton in common and already feel like we've known each other forever. We have decided that we're going on a double date next week after Thanksgiving. We're so excited! We're also planning a camping trip for sometime in the near future, if we cna find a place where it's not too cold.

So now I have fresh, clean skin . . . freshly waxed fabulous eyebrows, and finally Matt and I have a couple here we can go on double dates with.

Today was busy, but it was a good day. I like good days.

Boooooooooring Blah Blah Blah

Today was Sunday . . . the day of rest . . . and I was bored. Apparently I don't do so well at the whole "resting" thing.

I slept in later than usual this morning and missed Sacrament meeting, which I feel bad about but I was SOOOO tired this morning -- this whole week actually. I just wanted to sleep and sleep. Until I woke up that is . . . er, yeah. What that means is that I couldn't take a nap once I was awake. Right. MOVING ON.

I am SO EXCITED that Thanksgiving is this week. I get to see all of my siblings AND my Momma AND my Grandma and Grandpa this week. It's like the best week EVER! I love it when all my siblings are together for a holiday. We have so much fun. We laugh and sing and dance and make fun of each other and it makes me realize how much I love my family. Matt, I'm sure, will stand by and roll his eyes, but he'll love it too and maybe I'll even get him to dance! There will be pounds and pounds of delicious Lynsky food consumed and I'll get to see Sheila and Andrew and their new house and the babies and some of my aunts and uncles and . . . oh it's going to be SO GREAT!

THEN, THE CHRISTMAS SEASON BEGINS! Anyone who knows me knows how much I love Christmas. I am so excited to get a tree and decorate and make cookies and, and and . . . I should stop now before I get going to fast and furious to stop. I'm like the energizer bunny . . . the CHRISTMAS energizer bunny!

Oh, before I go, congratulations to my old friend Bryan Gibson. He found out on Friday that he passed the Bar Exam in California and then early Saturday morning his wife Melanie gave birth to their second little girl, Gracie.

OK, I'd better go to bed. Booty Camp starts promptly at 6 AM!

THE Ohio State University

In case you live in a cave and hadn't heard, Ohio State beat Michigan. It was touch and go there for a while, but they pulled through and conquered.

On they go to the national championship game (and it's rumored there might be a REMATCH OF THE RIVALS?!?!?!) held in Glendale, Arizona (aka the town I LIVE IN. Which I won't be here for . . . *sob, sniffle, sob, cry*

I guess I'll have to console myself with a week on the beach in Mexico!

Ann Arbor is a Whore

I saw that sentence on a T-shirt last year at the Fiesta Bowl (Ohio State vs. Notre Dame) and I decided it was my favorite T-shirt ever, being that I was born of two Columbus Ohio natives, who were also born of Ohio natives . . . in fact the the chunky buckeyes running through my veins go back THREE generations, so yes, my family believes that Ann Arbor is a whore. (I also saw a hilarious T-shirt last year that said Muck Fichigan, but I decided it might be a wee bit inappropriate for the title of my blog. I probably shouldn't have even mentioned it -- but I sort of had to. We really do hate Michigan about that much!)

This year the rivalry game is probably going to be the BEST ONE EVER. Ohio State is ranked, in all three college polls, NUMERO UNO and Michigan is ranked NUMERO DOS. This is basically the national championship game, but the BCS is too stupid to fix the system . . . so whoever wins this game will play in the national championship game -- WHICH is being held here in Arizona. But, as fortune would have it, I cannot go. We will be in Puerto Vallerta. Worst year to not be here for the BCS game!! Oh well . . . another year perhaps.

Anyway, all that's not really important . . . what IS important is that we all wear RED tomorow and root the mighty Buckeyes on to victory!!

O-H

I-O

Those found rooting for Michigan will be flogged mercilessly with a wet noodle.

Just for Kicks and Giggles

In an attempt to say SOMETHING funny today, I am going to post a quote written by a friend of mine. I spit Diet Coke when I read it. (I spit Diet Coke a lot . . .hmmm, future post idea. Excellent.)

"I suppose a friendship between a man and woman is like a…break dance tango? Where like, you spin on your head, but then you slap each other with a rose in your mouth?"

Maybe it's not as funny to all of you as it was to me, but I find that to be one of the funniest mental images ever.

And now, in honor of Julia, I say this:

I'm going to go get in my Vinn Vinn car and go home. Neorm.

I FORGOT TO POST YESTERDAY!

I'm officially disqualifying myself from the NaBloPoMo. Oh well.

Yesterday was craziness . . . we have a huge RFP (Request for Proposal) for a large public company due next week and I'm in charge of collecting, organizing and distributing the answers and we were trying to get a rough draft together. I also had a bunch of random tasks from my old job pop up that only I could do . . . they were things that it would have taken YEARS longer to explain to Suzanne than it took me just to do it myself, so . . .yeah.

Also, there was a HUGE traffic jam on the freeway -- it was an accident right at my exit, so it took me an hour and a half to get from my house to the exit a mile away from my actual exit. THEN, i apparently crossed over some line that I wasn't supposed to in order to get in the exit lane and of course there was a cop there so of course I got my first Arizona ticket. $110 for crossing over a Gore Line and I don't even know what that IS!

Needless to say, not the most fun day ever, but what can you do right? I signed up for this new crazy job and all the overtime that goes with it and I did cross the Gore line illegally, whether or not I knew it was illegal!

And this is the most boring post ever . . . but what can I say, every once in a while I have to have a boring day right!?!

Right.

All I Want For Christmas

Is THIS WHOLE STORE

Just in case any of you were wondering.

WHICH I KNOW YOU ALL WERE.

***DISCLAIMER: Ok, not the WHOLE store. Whatever I can wear with my garments. Please call if you're not sure of the specifications. I look great in red, blue, pink, green and black. I love knee length pencil skirts and the slightly puffy sleeves on their shirts. I also love all of their shoes. I am a size L in shirts, 12 in skirts and 10 in shoes. Things that are on sale or clearance are perfectly acceptable. Thank you for your consideration.

Julia's List of Reasons Why Kate Should Move Back to Provo

Julia has decided that I need to move back to Provo. In her negotiations on the matter, she has accrued a list of reasons why:

1 - I live here
2 - Going to girly movies together
3 - Burger Supreme
4 - Shopping trips
5 - Actual Seasons
6 - The delightful late night drive-by of old boyfriends houses
7 - Slacker Sundays
8 - Sleepovers
9 - I don't live in Phoenix
10 - Los
11 - Being able to have parties and BBQ's together
12 - Getting slurpees in the Summer
13 - Driving around with music blaring
14 - Talking each other into making ridiculous purchases we know we can't afford
15 - Getting bevs
16 - Current late night IM conversations can be taken care of IN PERSON and they will be FUNNIER because we'll be laughing TOGETHER
17 - OZZ!!
18 - Hours upon hours spent at Taco Bell on University Ave. talking about naughty encounters
19 - And finally, you need to move back to Provo simply because you are one of my Best Friends and we are missing out on some golden years by living apart!!

Well, what can you say folks?!?! This is a very persuasive list of reasons, and besides that I'm homesick right now . . . I guess I should try to convince the man I call husband and try to find us both good jobs!

Mommy, do you know what a sheriff is?

OK, so everyone has a weird ward if they belong to the LDS Church. I get that.

But today my ward takes the cake, I swear. It was a very . . . uncomfortable sacrament meeting for most people, I would imagine.

We had three speakers today. Two of them were actually really good. One was a young man leaving on his mission this week and the other was a lady in the ward that I'm not HUGELY fond of, but her talk was well thought out, well planned, educational, spiritual and funny.

Then there was the OTHER lady.

Her talk was on how apostasy comes on slowly. It started out awesome. She was talking about slowly changing clouds and how that made her think about sin and Satan.

Then she hit us with the bomb. She said the phrase: "Soft Porn" in church.

Now, that, in and of itself, is not so rare or odd. But when it's in the following context, it's really uncomfortable.

She was talking about the TV show ER. She said she liked it the first season, then the second season it got a little racy. Then in the third season it got downright sexual. Then she she said that the commercials she's seen lately for the show (since she quit watching it when it got sexual) now indicate that the show is nothing other than SOFT PORN.

Now, here are several reasons why that statement was uncomfortable:

1.) I bet that most of the congregation watches ER or something like it (er, Grey's Anatomy anyone?)

2.) Soft porn, in pretty much anyone's opinion, including the rating system's, shows actual boobies and whoo-has. Last time I checked, TV didn't allow that.

3.) There were SEVERAL prospective members of the church in the congregation that day. This missionaries had brought them. Accusing most of them of watching soft porn on a weekly basis probably isn't the best move, wouldn't you say?

I swear to you almost every head in the room sunk a little lower or into a hand with the common thought "oh my gosh she did not just say that."

I, being the psycho that I am, just started laughing. The silent, shaky church laugh. Come one, you know the laugh I'm talking about. Hunched over, tears streaming down your face, yet, no sound comes out. I don't know why I thought it was so hilarious. Maybe it was the thought that one woman had just made 250+ people REALLY uncomfortable. Who knows.

Then, during my fit of laughter, I hear the following conversation from the row behind me:

"Mommy, do you know what a sheriff is?"

"Yes Josiah I do."

"I bet you don't. A sheriff is a principal dressed up as a cowboy. That's what a sheriff is."

Que uncontrollable laughter.

Being Lame on a Friday Night

Soooooo

I was supposed to not post anything until Jewels sent me her FAB list of reasons that I need to move back to Provo, but people, she's extremely busy starring in a PLAY and I'm sort of addicted. I can't let a day go by without posting and not be irritated by that. Besides I found out it's NaBloPoMo which apparently means National Blog Posting Month or something scary like that? Don't ask me how I found this out. I don't want to admit to being any more lame than all of you think I am. Because I know I am, ok?

OK. ANYWAY, what this means to me and all of you, is that in November, those of us who Blog are supposed to do so at least once a day. I fully plan on doing that even though no one probably really cares. So be prepared for the most. boring. post. ever.

See the title? 'Splains it all. Especially the LAME part.

Tonight I did the following:

Read my husband's new Sports Illustrated from cover to cover. HOW LAME IS THAT?

Partially painted the downstairs bathroom. And when I say partially, I mean PARTIALLY. I didn't do anything that didn't involve the large roller. And those of you who paint know that means I just painted the middle section of the walls. The two walls that I could use a roller on. (It is a very small bathroom)

Hung the laundry room door.

Hung new doorknob on laundry room door.

Went shopping for half an hour with Karajean, who is in my ward.. Yeah, you heard me. Half. An. Hour. Somewhere in the craziness of the weird things I did tonight I went shopping with Karajean. We drove 25 miles to shop for 25 minutes. And yes, I'm just as confused as you guys probably are right now. I bought a shirt that was on clearance at Bebe. Karajean bought nothing. We did laugh and chat about some funny stuff though.

After that I spent an hour on the phone with my Aunt Alex and my sister Meagan. I totally forgot about the ability to conference call. How cool is that? All three of us were talking to each other. Man I miss those guys. Half the time we couldn't hear each other because all three of us were trying to talk at the same time.

I am now . . . wait for it . . . transferring all my music from my laptop to our new computer. Why you ask? Well, I'll tell you. My laptop is company issued, and I want to make sure that, if they ever take it away from me or if I ever lose it or drop it or something, that I have a back-up copy of my AWESOME music somewhere. Now here's where it gets funny.

SINCE the laptop is company issued, I cannot use our home network to view it, due to the anal security measures my company takes with all our technology. SO, I have to use a 1GB jump drive to transfer the music wee tiny bits at a time. Needless to say, I have lots of dead time.

There's actually a lot of other things that went on today, it was one of those insane days where you get to the end of it (it's actually midnight on the dot right now. PHEW!) and you think "wow, a lot of stuff happened today! I should make a list! I was super productive" Some not so productive stuff went down today too, but I'm sort of . . . over it, I guess. I sort of went through an entire grief cycle today or something . . . the whole shock, denial, anger, despair and acceptance thing . . . except I also added my own phase in the cycle -- uncontrollable laughter. I don't know if it was early morning boot camp, lack of food or WHAT. I just got sort of goofy by the end of the day and decided that everything, even the bad stuff, was just funny. I highly recommend it if you're having a bad day. Down about ten caffeinated beverages and find out what you're REALLY made of!

This may explain why I was uber productive tonight. You think? Ten Diet Cokes in one day? I think that should do it. I should press 'DELETE' on this little tangent, but I'm sort of writing just to write and get some thoughts out of the old noggin, so WHY NOT LEAVE IT says me? Besides, it's a free plug for Coca-Cola. EXCELLENT.

Coca-Cola. Proven to eat away at metal. Tastes good. Drink up!

Oh and Jewels? You have my word that as soon as I get your list, I will post it tout suite (ps - did you know that means 'quick fart'? You probably did, which is probably why you decided that you will name your racehorse that, but I did not. I had to go look it up just now for spelling purposes and I laughed really hard after reading the definition. I've been saying it ever since our Mexico bash and haven't known I was basically saying fart a lot.) and, it will be the funniest post ever. As opposed to this one.

But in fairness to me I did just write a paragraph about the word 'fart'. If that's not comedy, I don't know what is.

Ahem.

How to Drive Yourself to Drink (otherwise known as 'How to Re-finish Cabinets')

Step 1: Start with a kitchen that looks something like THIS

Step 2: Watch 'Design to Sell' about ten too many times and thinks "dude, I can TOTALLY do that AND make more money on my house!

Preparation Days 1-14

Step 3: Go to Sherwin Williams and ask the scary question "Do you think it's too hard if I try to paint my cabinets myself?" The answer is always "no! it's easy!"

Step 4: Buy all supplies you think you need

Day 1

Step 6: Get all hopped up on sugar and decide to tackle the SOB

Step 7: Take cupboards off one by one

Step 8: Throw up when you see how much CRAP has been stuck in the hinges

Step 9: Attempt to wash cupboards one by one

Step 10: Throw up when you see how much CRAP has been stuck in the crevices

Step 11: Use toothpick to remove built up crap

Step 12: Stab self in hand with toothpick

Step 13: Swear a lot

Repeat Step 11

Lather, rinse and repeat, particularly Step 13

Step 14: Decide cupboards are clean enough (or decide you're going to paint over the damn dirt no matter what anyone says)

Step 15: Move everything in living room to accommodate as many cupboards as possible at one time and lay them all down.

Step 16: Realize there's no place for you to actually sit while painting

Step 17: Remove about ten of the cupboards to make room for your huge butt

Step 18: Find primer in pile of paint and supplies

Step 19: Apply primer to one side of cupboards

Step 20: Wait . . . wait . . . wait . . .

Step 21: Get distracted and forget you were doing a project

DAY 2

Repeat Steps 19-21

DAY 3

Step 22: Apply first coat of real paint to one side of cupboards

Step 23: realize there are paint drips everywhere but decide you don't really care, you're going to antique the edges anyway. We're going for the "old cottage" look here.

Repeat steps 20-21

Day 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Repeat Day 3 until all cupboards are complete

Day 12

Step 24: Sand edges of all cupboards for that "antique look"

Step 25: Spray Polyurethane coating on one side of cupboards for that shiny finish

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Day 13

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Repeat Step 20

Repeat Step 25

Step 26: Attempt to clean grime off of hardware

Step 27: Take a short and annoying detour on cabinet project due to THIS

Day 14

Step 28: Slowly start re-attaching cabinets, realizing that it's not as easy as it looks and you're not quiiiiiite sure which ones go where or how to make the Step 13 things straight

Step 29: Start attaching new knob pulls and realize that, naturally, it's not as easy as it looks either. Oh no, it involves the use of several different drill bits (plan on breaking at least one or two if you're anything like me) and many more of Step 13 and many Macguyver maneuvers to ensure that everything is attached, straight and looking decent.

From Day 15 until you move out of the house

Step 30: Stand back, take a deep breath and realize that it was, in fact, worth it, because now your kitchen looks like this:

I still think I might need a drink though . . . PHEW!

Let there be money

Well, after all my bellowing, I finally have received my 90 day review and my raise. It went a little bit like this:

"Kate, by the way, we talked to HR this morning and we're going to offer you a raise to $XXXXX and you will also get a quarterly bonus of $XXXX. Cool? Cool."

All in all, as I add up the figures, it gets me an additional, like, $150 or so a paycheck . . . but it's actually a pretty decent raise as far as percentage of current income goes.

Most likely I will get the raise retroactive to October 1st, so that's nice and might pay for 1/10 of Christmas expenses or something.

I'm not saying any of this to brag or imply how cool I am, I just wanted to mention the end of my whining and moaning and the start of my new life, making $300 more a month. I feel so much richer already. I might go buy some expensive shoes.

Oh wait, that goes straight to debt and a new house. Silly me!

Whooooooppiiieeeeee!

Today at lunch I did two things I'm proud of and one thing I'm not.

Let's start with the bad, shall we?

I paid $10 for this sandwich

I mean, it's HUGE and all (and that's just a picture of half of it) but TEN DOLLARS PEOPLE?!!?! SERIOUSLY?

The two things I'm proud of?

I walked to the deli (that's apparently reserved for millionaires) in order to work off just a few more calories.

I ordered french fries on the side, then I said NO, STOP. Fruit salad. I want fruit salad. I really wanted french fries, they sounded so good. But after my weekend of gorging myself on Whoopie Pies , I needed the fruit salad. Then it only had melon and two pieces of pineapple, no strawberries, no grapes. I don't eat melon. So basically instead of fries I got two very small pieces of pineapple. Saved me a lot of calories.

I'm giving myself a pat on the back with one hand while smacking myself in the face with the other. I mean I did pay TEN DOLLARS FOR A TURKEY SANDWICH.

That kind of decision is going to make us very poor. But hey! At least I'll be skinny!

If you happen to be a girl and are just a little bored . . .

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

ALSO

You Are Confident Sexy

You're one sexy chica, and you know it. You've got the confidence to strut your stuff... And approach any man who happens to catch your eye. You may make a guys run away, but the true men will appreciate your moxie.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

OR

You Are A Little Snobby

And being a little snobby every once and a while is totally allowed. Because if no one was ever snobby, no one would ever try to dress up or look pretty. And while you do enjoy the finest things in life (that you can afford), you tire of superficiality. You know there's more to life than what's just on the surface.

Are You a Snob?

OR

You are Dark Chocolate

You live your life with intensity, always going full force. You push yourself (and others) to the limit... you want more than you can handle. An extreme person, you challenge and inspire the world!

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

Only in Scottsdale

Man, I wish I had pictures of my lunch drive today.

I went to pick up a birthday cake for a co-worker and lunch for myself. I drove less that 1/4 of a mile to do these things. In that time I saw the following strange "only in Scottsdale" things:

1. An 80+ year old man riding a scooter - and not one of those old people help you get around scooters. Like, a Vespa scooter -- complete with a little "carrier" on the back for his . . . purse?. He was all hunched over the handle bars and driving about 5 miles an hour in front of me. I would have been mad but it was HILARIOUS.

2. A little girl dressed in some couture outfit for three year olds, complete with what looked like designer sunglasses, eating the "sand" out of a cigarette disposal receptacle


3. Another 80+ year old man on a two wheeled apparatus, but this time it was a giant Harley Davidson

4. A porn star looking character with a barking toy dog sticking out of her Chanel bag, buying A banana at AJ's. Just one . . . and nothing else. Mind you AJ's is the luxury grocery store around here that charges you triple for everything, so she was buying A banana for the price I usually buy a whole BUNCH of bananas for. And let me tell you, if I had dropped the wad of cash it would have cost to buy a Chanel bag, you bet your britches no darn DOG will be getting a ride in it! It would, most likely, be in a glass box in my closet with motion detectors attached to it to keep things completely away from it.

5. A Scottsdale cop ordering a vegetarian rice bowl with brown rice. I thought cops only ate doughnuts and unhealthy MAN food!

Now I know why we can never live in Scottsdale. I mean, with super inflated house prices I knew that already, but now I REALLY know! At least not until I have my body completely altered with plastic surgery and we win the lottery. Then maybe we'll fit in.

The Difference Between Men and Women

The biggest difference between men and women (besides the obvious PHYSICAL differences, duh) is that we both know our way is better 100% of the time.

And since Matt doesn't remember the password to our blog, or the fact that he can, in fact, post to it, guess what? My way is officially always better. Especially when it comes to home improvement projects. :D

SO, I am FINALLY finished with the cabinets. And if I do say so, whilst patting myself on the back rewarding myself with chocolate and a new pair of these fabulous jeans that were on clearance, the cabinets really are so great looking. I'm now hoping they add maybe . . . $20,000 in value to my home!! Hahahaha. No. Seriously. If not I might sue that show "Design to Sell" for convincing me that painting the cabinets would do that if I don't get to raise the asking price of my house by that much money. And I promise, as soon as the kitchen doesn't look like THIS
anymore, I'll post pictures of the whole beautiful thing.

Also, in other home improvement fun, tonight we did this:

And also this:

P.S. Who's idea was it to call a garbage disposal the BADGER?

And as you can tell from the first paragraph, we did a liiiiiiitle bit of this: