Mommy, do you know what a sheriff is?

OK, so everyone has a weird ward if they belong to the LDS Church. I get that.

But today my ward takes the cake, I swear. It was a very . . . uncomfortable sacrament meeting for most people, I would imagine.

We had three speakers today. Two of them were actually really good. One was a young man leaving on his mission this week and the other was a lady in the ward that I'm not HUGELY fond of, but her talk was well thought out, well planned, educational, spiritual and funny.

Then there was the OTHER lady.

Her talk was on how apostasy comes on slowly. It started out awesome. She was talking about slowly changing clouds and how that made her think about sin and Satan.

Then she hit us with the bomb. She said the phrase: "Soft Porn" in church.

Now, that, in and of itself, is not so rare or odd. But when it's in the following context, it's really uncomfortable.

She was talking about the TV show ER. She said she liked it the first season, then the second season it got a little racy. Then in the third season it got downright sexual. Then she she said that the commercials she's seen lately for the show (since she quit watching it when it got sexual) now indicate that the show is nothing other than SOFT PORN.

Now, here are several reasons why that statement was uncomfortable:

1.) I bet that most of the congregation watches ER or something like it (er, Grey's Anatomy anyone?)

2.) Soft porn, in pretty much anyone's opinion, including the rating system's, shows actual boobies and whoo-has. Last time I checked, TV didn't allow that.

3.) There were SEVERAL prospective members of the church in the congregation that day. This missionaries had brought them. Accusing most of them of watching soft porn on a weekly basis probably isn't the best move, wouldn't you say?

I swear to you almost every head in the room sunk a little lower or into a hand with the common thought "oh my gosh she did not just say that."

I, being the psycho that I am, just started laughing. The silent, shaky church laugh. Come one, you know the laugh I'm talking about. Hunched over, tears streaming down your face, yet, no sound comes out. I don't know why I thought it was so hilarious. Maybe it was the thought that one woman had just made 250+ people REALLY uncomfortable. Who knows.

Then, during my fit of laughter, I hear the following conversation from the row behind me:

"Mommy, do you know what a sheriff is?"

"Yes Josiah I do."

"I bet you don't. A sheriff is a principal dressed up as a cowboy. That's what a sheriff is."

Que uncontrollable laughter.